We decided to go fishing. I woke up around 6am and started making pb & j’s for the trip. Mom came out shortly and helped us. It was a day of first’s Dad didn’t get out of bed until about 6:30pm and he told us to quit rushing. After our Bible study, he and Scott went down to Deer Trail to get some hotspot tips and minnows from Richard. When they got back we got down to the boat and there was water all the way to the front of the boat. Dad turned on the bilge pump and water poured out of the boat for at least 10 minutes. So we all sat around and offered our fantastic advice as Dad tried to figure out where the leak was coming from. After messing with the plug a little it seemed to take care of the problem so we headed out a ways and walleye fished for a couple of hours. Not even a bite we headed to Tivo to troll before we went in. Scott caught a northern and we saw an eagle chase away another big bird. I thought it was an osprey, Dad and Scott thought that it was an eaglet and mom said it was a huge red-winged blackbird. I took some really cool pictures then we went home and took naps.
Mom accidently dropped the candle that I had left lit and there was wax all over the bathroom floor and shower. We had to scrap it off with a spoon. While we were doing it Dad was reading us excerpts out of his George W Bush book and then Groves called and asked when we were going to finish our tournament so we told them to give us a half hour. Mom got the vacuum out of the closet to help us pick up the wax and Dad decided to call Grandma. So we had to turn the vacuum off and wait for him to finish talking. When we had it done we had 15 minutes left to take our baths so Scott and I headed down to the lake. It was gorgeous. The sun was shining and the wind had died down a lot so we decided to let them finish the tournament because we had not kayaked yet today. Scott said we were going to go to Tivo but the wind had picked up a little and it was hard paddling so he settled on the southwest end of Paradise. I went around to the beach and decided to keep going. I paddled around the entire island and then back to Scott who had had one nibble and the sun was below the trees on the island so it was getting cold. We decided to head back. We paddled back and then took our baths in the shocking cold water. I really wish it would warm up a little!! My ankle was pretty swollen after yesterday’s adventures so I tried to keep it uncovered and out of the water most of the day.
Monday, July 6, 2009
July 4, 2009
July 4, 2009
So today we decided to put the big boat in and Scott and Dad were going to take it down there so Mom and I walked there and sat on the hill waiting for them. We waited and waited and waited and finally decided to go figure out what happened to them when they pulled in. They had Ron with them and they went out to the float boat. After about a half hour they actually got the float boat running. Dad had remembered some special instructions that the guys at the boat shop had told him. We put the big boat in and couldn’t get it deep enough so I went in the water and pushed it out. Scott picked me up at the dock and he and I took the big boat back behind Dad and Ron in the float boat.
Scott and I went out in our kayaks and tried some fishing at Paradise Islands. We didn’t have much luck but it was fun. Scott spent most of the time untangling his line from his new reel and I went into the bay and checked out the dock and then watched the eagle and eaglets as I casted.
That night Scott and Dad went out for a little casting. Scott caught two northern near Paradise and Tivo. We played Mexican train with Ron and Dee at 11 pm we still had 4 games left so we decided to continue the game the next night. Ron was in the lead with 4 games, then Mom with 3 and I had 1.
So today we decided to put the big boat in and Scott and Dad were going to take it down there so Mom and I walked there and sat on the hill waiting for them. We waited and waited and waited and finally decided to go figure out what happened to them when they pulled in. They had Ron with them and they went out to the float boat. After about a half hour they actually got the float boat running. Dad had remembered some special instructions that the guys at the boat shop had told him. We put the big boat in and couldn’t get it deep enough so I went in the water and pushed it out. Scott picked me up at the dock and he and I took the big boat back behind Dad and Ron in the float boat.
Scott and I went out in our kayaks and tried some fishing at Paradise Islands. We didn’t have much luck but it was fun. Scott spent most of the time untangling his line from his new reel and I went into the bay and checked out the dock and then watched the eagle and eaglets as I casted.
That night Scott and Dad went out for a little casting. Scott caught two northern near Paradise and Tivo. We played Mexican train with Ron and Dee at 11 pm we still had 4 games left so we decided to continue the game the next night. Ron was in the lead with 4 games, then Mom with 3 and I had 1.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
July 3, 2009
July 3, 2009
We were up early and on the road around 6 am. Mom and Dad got passed the first stage of the border pretty quickly and Scott and I flew through. They didn’t even ask us about our 5 bins of food in the back of the truck! We pulled up to wait for them to go in and pay duty on the boat, trailer and windows. When he went in Dad forgot to mention the trailer and they were talking about seizing it and everything. I still don’t totally get what happened but we had to give them my email so that we could print something in 3-5 days and then take the trailer to Canadian Tire for an inspection. So we will be heading to Dryden early next week. I’m excited to go to the library and check it out to try for email access. We hit Ojibwa Trail around 10:30am and Dad went nuts! He started driving like a maniac. It was like he saw the end and nothing was going to slow him down. I walkie talkied mom and told her I was praying for her safety. It was just funny because we couldn’t drive over 60 mph the entire trip but then he lost his mind. Actually he was going pretty fast on 502. If our Garmin was right we hit 104 km a couple of times. Although our Garmin said we weren’t on 502 most of the way. We had to change our icon to a truck with big wheels so that we could off-road with no problems! When we arrived everything looked great and we unpacked our billion tubs of food. Ron and Dee stopped by and we visited for awhile and then had tuna salad for lunch.
After we kind of unpacked we decided to try and put the float boat in. The only problem was that it wouldn’t start. Richard had Dad’s truck backed in up over the muffler and Mom and I were sitting in the float boat going “Don’t look” but we couldn’t stand it we had to look and the muffler was blowing bubbles under the water. Mom and I finally left and went up to see Ruth and buy our fishing licenses. Then we walked home and we were going to make chili and hop in our kayaks to go see how the men were doing. We took one kayak down the hill and then went into make the chili. Meanwhile the guys came back and Scott carried his kayak down the hill. I’m a little fuzzy on what we did next but Dad and Scott ended up back at Deer Trail working on the boat and Mom and I kayaked over to give moral support. When we arrived there were 5 guys trying to figure out what was wrong with the motor: Dad, Scott, Richard, Richard’s dad (visiting from Wisconsin) and some other guy that I later learned owns the Coop in Vermillion Bay. Mom gave Scott his kayak and went back with Dad. Scott and I kayaked back. It was very discouraging because now the float boat was parked at Deer Trail and Dad was going to have to hire someone to fix it. Later on Mom and Dad went into Dryden and they said it would be three weeks and really expensive for someone to come out and that they couldn’t come out for at least three weeks. Dad was really discouraged because now he was going to have to take it back out and drive it to Vermillion Bay. Dad was telling Ron and Dee the problem and mentioned the automatic choke and Ron said don’t take it in because he wanted to look at it.
July 2, 2009
July 2, 2009
We had an interesting start to our trip. As we were getting ready to leave Alan was inspecting our trailer and noticed that a weld was breaking so we drove back to the shop and he fixed it real quick and Hannah used our blue spray paint and painted it over. In the meantime mom and dad took off figuring we would catch up with them easily. Scott and I stopped once to change drivers and check the trailer just outside of Braidwood. When we turned onto 39 N they were 8 miles ahead of us and we were gaining. Scott was asleep when I came upon a boat cushion in the middle of the interstate. It looked suspiciously like mom and dad’s float boat cushion. I pulled over as quickly as possible and woke Scott up. Scott started to walk back toward the cushion and I “beeped” Dad. He immediately noticed that both back cushions were gone. Scott walked back about a half of mile and went on the busy interstate with big semis flying by. He carried it all the way back to the truck. Mom and Dad gave me their location so that we would know when to give up looking for the cushions. We never found them and Mom and Dad got a greater lead. We finally caught up to about 5 minutes behind them when we stopped at a rest area just north of Wisconsin Dells for lunch. Dad gave us 5 minutes to eat our tuna sandwiches and we were off again. Around 6pm we arrived in Superior and Duluth. As we were going over Lake Superior I took a shot with my phone and sent it to Alan on his cell for Hannah. He and Paul were farming and they were quick to respond back with a picture of a cornfield! We all had a good laugh. We stopped at Gander Mountain in Hermantown and then had dinner at The Outback Steakhouse. Then we headed for the Super 8 in Eveleth, Minnesota where we stopped for the night.
Monday, December 29, 2008
December 29, 2008
It's my birthday. It's been very pleasant so far. Yesterday Scott and I left Kankakee for a trip to visit Jessica in Dalton, Georgia. We used our new Garmin to navigate and ended up being on a two lane highway for many miles. I think it slowed us down b/c we got stuck behind vehicles a lot and had to stop off and on at lights or stop signs. It was a beautiful drive though. It beats the scenery along an interstate! We saw cows, horses, goats, buffaloes and a lot of hawks. There were also some neat clouds and a beautiful sunset.
We stopped at Arby's to eat and then were trying to find a Walmart to purchase an fm transmitter for my iPod touch. The Garmin took us to an Office Depot the first try and then to a dead end the second try. We finally gave up and hopped back on the highway only to have it end w/ the Garmin showing us that we were actually driving in a field. Scott turned onto another interstate (after dark) only to find headlights headed straight for us. We had to drive through the grass between lanes to get back to the right side. It was God's grace we didn't get stuck which reminds me we need to find a car wash!
We did make it to the hotel in Clarksville, Tennessee finally and only lost one minute according to the Garmin! It has redeemed itself b/c it did find a Walmart in Clarksville where we got a Belkin transmitter that was on sale for $35 and some WWII Fighter Plane game for our new wii.
We spent the evening watching House marathon and went to bed. Today I went down to the hottub and found the pool and hottub in this greenhouse like building. It was freezing! The temperature outside was 28 and it didn't feel any different in the "pool room". BUT it was fun. Just like being in Colorado or Bob and Karol's deck. The hot tub was hot the air was cold. After a nice soak I met Scott for breakfast. I have enjoyed this Fairfield Inn. One thing I'll say about Marriott is that they provide a nice chain for people w/o a lot of money that is still clean and very nice. The room had a refrig and microwave. I was also impressed by the towels available at the pool. They were white w/ blue stripes and actually real towel sized. Breakfast choices (included w/ room) were great. They had a couple of choices of Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwiches, 3 types of juices, waffles, biscuits and gravy, many types of muffins and bagels, toast, yogurt, milk, apples (I was disappointed by the fresh fruit selection), and cereal. There's a nice (at least 31") TV along w/ a desk and a comfy chair. It's a big room w/ a sink separate from the bathroom. My only complaint is the pillows! Scott and I both hate the pillows. They are foam pillows. I guess I need to change my preferences to feather but usually feather make me sneeze.
We are looking forward to meeting Jessica and her husband Tony today. Our Jimmy is jampacked w/ stuff for them. There are about 20 paper boxes and about 30 Breyer horses in their original boxes. We are bringing Jess her stuff that was in the attic plus I have been doing some deep cleaning so I am bringing her old decorative and kitchen stuff. I'm not sure how we are going to get our suitcase/bag back in the truck. I may have to carry it on my lap for the last three hours!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
In Memory of Colonel
In Memory of Colonel
October 13, 2008
5:15pm
I lost a part of me on Monday. My puppy Colonel was almost 15 years old and he was starting to suffer. He was beginning to have a hard time getting up. He was losing muscle tone and getting even skinner. He was eating and drinking all of the time. Last week he started to have a problem with his ears. He would jump off the couch and start to shake his head. Then he would stand there staggering, looking at me like "Please do something." The look reached inside of me and twisted my insides. Scott took him to Peotone Animal Hospital on Saturday and they couldn't find anything wrong with his ears but gave Scott some antibiotic drops anyway. The drops didn't appear to help. He would run from spot to spot trying to get it to quit itching. We tried to scratch his ears for him which gave him a little comfort for a short period of time. At this point, I had noticed that he wasn't hearing anything either. He had gone completely deaf.
We took our kayaks down the Kankakee River on Saturday and spent a lot of the trip talking about it. We both felt like it was time but didn't want to say it out loud. We both wanted it to be done on the farm - the place he loved the most and finally agreed that when Dr. Fitzpatrick came out to give the horses their shots we would take him then. We knew we only had a short time left w/ Colonel but never expected the call from my mom Sunday night. Around 8pm she called me to tell me that the vet would be out between 4:30-5:00 the next night. I could hardly say good-bye to her b/c my throat stopped working.
As I sat in my chair and bawled, Scott asked me what was wrong. Not a great way to present the fact that his "son" would be gone forever in less than 24 hours. Deep down I knew it was the right thing to do but it didn't seem to make it any easier. Standing in the hallway, I asked Scott if he was sure, then we both looked at Colonel at the same time and watched him lose his balance and stagger toward the back door. We both knew that was God's way of answering the question.
It was rough night. I could hardly look at Colonel without bursting into tears. I layed in bed and prayed. I asked God to change our mind or overrule our decision if it wasn't His will. I tried to remember the verse about nothing happening to two sparrows without God's knowledge. I asked Scott what the verse was and he said something about two dollars and a sparrow in a cage. I think he must have been half asleep. Any way I had the idea of the verse, ( Matthew 10:29, "Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father?") if God takes care of even the sparrow, He will take care of Colonel. As I finally nodded off to sleep, I prayed that God would go before Colonel and I on our last day. I asked that in the morning, he might jump in bed and snuggle with me one more time (he hasn't done that in a while b/c it's too high of a jump).
Just as God provided Colonel to us in grace, he provided for us in his death. God doesn't make mistakes. It was not a mistake that this was happening at this time. God did not give us a week to suffer the anticipation but he gave me a day - an entire day off to spend with him. I don't think I've ever cried so much in a 24 hour period! It started in the morning when Scott was up getting ready and I was trying to fall back asleep around 5:30am. When he let Colonel back in the house, he came straight into the bedroom and jumped up next to me. We stayed there together until it was time for Scott to leave for work. After we said good-bye to Scott we got up and did our Bible study. (Colonel always stays in the room and listens, too!) After that I figured I had to have something for breakfast or I would be a mess all day. My stomach was in knots and nothing sounded good so I had some soup. Of course, I shared some of it with Colonel. I pulled out pieces of meat and put it in his bowl. He was very happy but didn't think that I gave him quite enough!
We lounged around together until about 2pm and then packed up and headed for the farm. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. He knew something was up and didn't even want to get in the car which is unheard of. I think he thought I was taking him back to Peotone. He soon forgot his worries as I pulled into the Wendy's drive in. His nose led him to the cracked window as the smell of beef sifted through the air. We both had a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger - ok he had a whole one plus part of mine. I guess I don't eat fast enough! I threw out the tomato and lettuce for his last meal knowing full well he does not appreciate his veggies.
As we went down the road I tried not to let the tears fall but couldn't help remembering the daily rides out to the farm when he was a puppy. He was so small he would sit on my lap while I would drive my mustang. I would drop him off every morning on my way to school and Scott would pick him up. He would spend all day playing with his "aunt" Frisbee and "cousin" Ralph. As a matter of fact, after the second day at the farm, we never had to potty train him. He quit going to the bathroom on the basement floor and would ask to go outside. I always attributed that to Frisbee, she was such a good mom to the new dogs.
Mom met me outside at the farm and we took him for a walk at some of his favorite spots. We stopped here and there to take some pictures but mostly let him enjoy the beautiful, unseasonably warm fall day. We went to the barn, passed the field, around the pond and back to his favorite wading (frog hunting) spot, along the creek and back to the house. He was so happy to see the other dogs and enjoyed following them taking turns marking the same spots over and over. We took out some chairs and sat outside for a while waiting for Scott to arrive. It was a beautiful day but the mosquitoes were biting and the tears were falling. It was hard to just sit there and wait. We would jump up every once in a while and take another short walk. Even though he enjoyed it, he wasn't quite the same. You could tell that he as just tired.
When Scott's truck turned the corner of the lane, Colonel saw it immediately. He was interested that someone was here but didn't know who it was. When Scott got out of the car and walked toward us, Colonel began to wag his tail and trotted to meet him. Scott and Mom went to look at the grave Mom had begun to dig. Scott had to finish it so Colonel and I went for another walk as not to have to watch. I don't know how Scott did what he did, I could do it if I had to but it would be tough so I really appreciate that he stepped up and took care of these issues - another example of God's grace.
The vet was late and Scott had to be in class by 6pm. He was sweaty and dirty and smelling pretty ripe. At 5:10, the vet's truck appeared in the lane. I threw my arms around Colonel, took one last kiss from him and said good-bye. I then went to the horse barn to get the horses ready for their shots - actually to hide b/c I wanted my last memory of him to be alive. I stood in the barn and pulled cockaburs from the horses forelocks and cried. Then I prayed. I prayed that it would go smoothly, that the vet would be gentle, that it wouldn't happen if it wasn't God's timing, that Scott would have courage and be strong... It seemed like an eternity but finally the barn door started to open. I pulled myself together and started to bring Magic out of the stall. The vet was very kind and very helpful. We gave all three horses their shots and put them back out in the pasture.
When he left, I leaned against the stall and cried. Scott came back from burying Colonel and held me in his arms. I cried harder. At this point, I was just so sad. I couldn't breathe from all the crying - there was just a hole inside of me that wouldn't go away. I didn't know where to go or what to do. I went back to the chair to sit but the memories of him being there were just too fresh. I picked some mums and headed for the grave. I put them on his grave and said good-bye but couldn't hold still. I headed for the back pond when Mom showed up to be with me. Another grace provision. She had given up her entire afternoon just to be there for me. We sat on the hay rack for awhile but the mosquitoes were horrendous (even though she had brought a can of spray with her). I was dreading going home but knew I had to get it over with. Unfortunately, I'm the type that wants to face things head on and get it over with.
Scott was at class so I had to walk into the empty house alone. I asked God for strength as I entered through the sliding door. Scott had made an attempt to move some of the memories but there were just too many. His bowls sat in the kitchen - so I couldn't even bring myself in there. I took a shower thinking the bathroom was safe since he really didn't like to go in there. I remembered when he would come in the bathroom after I had gotten out of the shower and lick my wet legs a couple of times and then turn around and walk out. I sat on the edge of the tub and cried. I waited to hear his toenails on the wood floor as he would come in and stick his head under my hand to see if I was alright. He didn't come. I sat in my chair and looked at his empty chair and his empty couch. I finally turned the TV on for a distraction but the pain just wouldn't go away.
At 7:30pm, Scott called. He had gotten out of class early - yet another grace provision. I was so relieved to have someone else in the house with me. Going to bed was another whole story. I would get ready to put the garbage up and let Colonel out but I didn't have to do either one. I crawled into bed next to Scott and waited to hear Colonel make his "rounds". I listened for the click on the floor and the sound of him settling into his chair in the bedroom next to my bed, it never came. It was so sad! I couldn't stay in there, besides I was keeping Scott awake. I went out to the other room for awhile but it was just as sad. I asked God to help me and I took a deep breath and went back to bed. I basically cried myself to sleep.
The next morning I woke up and was sure I could hold it together, after all I had to go to work and my eyes were already way too puffy. I didn't want anyone to know because it was too painful to talk about. I somehow managed to get ready through the tears. As we headed to work Scott prayed and I pulled myself together. Through God's grace (and I know my Mom's prayers) I was able to hold it together all day. As soon as I walked through the doors at home it was like something was wrong. It hit me like a ton of bricks, I couldn't hold it in any more. When will the tears dry up? I have a constant headache and my eyes go from aching to stinging to being itchy and dry.
I actually held myself together during church. After church my dad came up and told me how sorry he was and that he knew it was the right thing to do. My mom talked to Scott about when it happened. Evidently, Dr. Fitzpatrick had said that he was an old dog. Scott told me that he had been so gentle and kind to Colonel and that it went smoothly. He was happy up to the last minute.
Hannah came up to me and sat next to me and snuggled. She then told me she had visited his grave and of course had an adventure story to go along with it. She visited the wrong place first and found a big piece of glass and then Nana had to show her where the grave really was. She said that the mums were still there. I asked her if she would put flowers on it once in a while for me and she said she would if she could find some.
The second night wasn't any easier. I thought it would ease up. Scott was struggling, also. We stayed up way passed the time we should have gone to bed and when we did go to bed, we talked about him, our decision and our memories. We both finally fell asleep at some point but I'm not sure when.
Colonel was my grace provision for almost 15 years. He was my constant companion. He was God's way of helping me survive Scott's cop years. He was my alarm system at night, he was a comfort to me when I was sad. I couldn't go to sleep at night until he was settled in bed next to me. I was his back scratcher, his bell boy, his concierge, his cook. I couldn't have ever had a better grace gift. I am so thankful to God for putting him in my life and letting us enjoy each other for so long. Thanks to Hannah for taking this video in August of 2006 when we were out playing at the pond.
October 13, 2008
5:15pm
 |
| From HargravesFall2008 |
I lost a part of me on Monday. My puppy Colonel was almost 15 years old and he was starting to suffer. He was beginning to have a hard time getting up. He was losing muscle tone and getting even skinner. He was eating and drinking all of the time. Last week he started to have a problem with his ears. He would jump off the couch and start to shake his head. Then he would stand there staggering, looking at me like "Please do something." The look reached inside of me and twisted my insides. Scott took him to Peotone Animal Hospital on Saturday and they couldn't find anything wrong with his ears but gave Scott some antibiotic drops anyway. The drops didn't appear to help. He would run from spot to spot trying to get it to quit itching. We tried to scratch his ears for him which gave him a little comfort for a short period of time. At this point, I had noticed that he wasn't hearing anything either. He had gone completely deaf.
We took our kayaks down the Kankakee River on Saturday and spent a lot of the trip talking about it. We both felt like it was time but didn't want to say it out loud. We both wanted it to be done on the farm - the place he loved the most and finally agreed that when Dr. Fitzpatrick came out to give the horses their shots we would take him then. We knew we only had a short time left w/ Colonel but never expected the call from my mom Sunday night. Around 8pm she called me to tell me that the vet would be out between 4:30-5:00 the next night. I could hardly say good-bye to her b/c my throat stopped working.
As I sat in my chair and bawled, Scott asked me what was wrong. Not a great way to present the fact that his "son" would be gone forever in less than 24 hours. Deep down I knew it was the right thing to do but it didn't seem to make it any easier. Standing in the hallway, I asked Scott if he was sure, then we both looked at Colonel at the same time and watched him lose his balance and stagger toward the back door. We both knew that was God's way of answering the question.
It was rough night. I could hardly look at Colonel without bursting into tears. I layed in bed and prayed. I asked God to change our mind or overrule our decision if it wasn't His will. I tried to remember the verse about nothing happening to two sparrows without God's knowledge. I asked Scott what the verse was and he said something about two dollars and a sparrow in a cage. I think he must have been half asleep. Any way I had the idea of the verse, ( Matthew 10:29, "Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father?") if God takes care of even the sparrow, He will take care of Colonel. As I finally nodded off to sleep, I prayed that God would go before Colonel and I on our last day. I asked that in the morning, he might jump in bed and snuggle with me one more time (he hasn't done that in a while b/c it's too high of a jump).
Just as God provided Colonel to us in grace, he provided for us in his death. God doesn't make mistakes. It was not a mistake that this was happening at this time. God did not give us a week to suffer the anticipation but he gave me a day - an entire day off to spend with him. I don't think I've ever cried so much in a 24 hour period! It started in the morning when Scott was up getting ready and I was trying to fall back asleep around 5:30am. When he let Colonel back in the house, he came straight into the bedroom and jumped up next to me. We stayed there together until it was time for Scott to leave for work. After we said good-bye to Scott we got up and did our Bible study. (Colonel always stays in the room and listens, too!) After that I figured I had to have something for breakfast or I would be a mess all day. My stomach was in knots and nothing sounded good so I had some soup. Of course, I shared some of it with Colonel. I pulled out pieces of meat and put it in his bowl. He was very happy but didn't think that I gave him quite enough!
We lounged around together until about 2pm and then packed up and headed for the farm. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. He knew something was up and didn't even want to get in the car which is unheard of. I think he thought I was taking him back to Peotone. He soon forgot his worries as I pulled into the Wendy's drive in. His nose led him to the cracked window as the smell of beef sifted through the air. We both had a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger - ok he had a whole one plus part of mine. I guess I don't eat fast enough! I threw out the tomato and lettuce for his last meal knowing full well he does not appreciate his veggies.
As we went down the road I tried not to let the tears fall but couldn't help remembering the daily rides out to the farm when he was a puppy. He was so small he would sit on my lap while I would drive my mustang. I would drop him off every morning on my way to school and Scott would pick him up. He would spend all day playing with his "aunt" Frisbee and "cousin" Ralph. As a matter of fact, after the second day at the farm, we never had to potty train him. He quit going to the bathroom on the basement floor and would ask to go outside. I always attributed that to Frisbee, she was such a good mom to the new dogs.
Mom met me outside at the farm and we took him for a walk at some of his favorite spots. We stopped here and there to take some pictures but mostly let him enjoy the beautiful, unseasonably warm fall day. We went to the barn, passed the field, around the pond and back to his favorite wading (frog hunting) spot, along the creek and back to the house. He was so happy to see the other dogs and enjoyed following them taking turns marking the same spots over and over. We took out some chairs and sat outside for a while waiting for Scott to arrive. It was a beautiful day but the mosquitoes were biting and the tears were falling. It was hard to just sit there and wait. We would jump up every once in a while and take another short walk. Even though he enjoyed it, he wasn't quite the same. You could tell that he as just tired.
When Scott's truck turned the corner of the lane, Colonel saw it immediately. He was interested that someone was here but didn't know who it was. When Scott got out of the car and walked toward us, Colonel began to wag his tail and trotted to meet him. Scott and Mom went to look at the grave Mom had begun to dig. Scott had to finish it so Colonel and I went for another walk as not to have to watch. I don't know how Scott did what he did, I could do it if I had to but it would be tough so I really appreciate that he stepped up and took care of these issues - another example of God's grace.
The vet was late and Scott had to be in class by 6pm. He was sweaty and dirty and smelling pretty ripe. At 5:10, the vet's truck appeared in the lane. I threw my arms around Colonel, took one last kiss from him and said good-bye. I then went to the horse barn to get the horses ready for their shots - actually to hide b/c I wanted my last memory of him to be alive. I stood in the barn and pulled cockaburs from the horses forelocks and cried. Then I prayed. I prayed that it would go smoothly, that the vet would be gentle, that it wouldn't happen if it wasn't God's timing, that Scott would have courage and be strong... It seemed like an eternity but finally the barn door started to open. I pulled myself together and started to bring Magic out of the stall. The vet was very kind and very helpful. We gave all three horses their shots and put them back out in the pasture.
When he left, I leaned against the stall and cried. Scott came back from burying Colonel and held me in his arms. I cried harder. At this point, I was just so sad. I couldn't breathe from all the crying - there was just a hole inside of me that wouldn't go away. I didn't know where to go or what to do. I went back to the chair to sit but the memories of him being there were just too fresh. I picked some mums and headed for the grave. I put them on his grave and said good-bye but couldn't hold still. I headed for the back pond when Mom showed up to be with me. Another grace provision. She had given up her entire afternoon just to be there for me. We sat on the hay rack for awhile but the mosquitoes were horrendous (even though she had brought a can of spray with her). I was dreading going home but knew I had to get it over with. Unfortunately, I'm the type that wants to face things head on and get it over with.
Scott was at class so I had to walk into the empty house alone. I asked God for strength as I entered through the sliding door. Scott had made an attempt to move some of the memories but there were just too many. His bowls sat in the kitchen - so I couldn't even bring myself in there. I took a shower thinking the bathroom was safe since he really didn't like to go in there. I remembered when he would come in the bathroom after I had gotten out of the shower and lick my wet legs a couple of times and then turn around and walk out. I sat on the edge of the tub and cried. I waited to hear his toenails on the wood floor as he would come in and stick his head under my hand to see if I was alright. He didn't come. I sat in my chair and looked at his empty chair and his empty couch. I finally turned the TV on for a distraction but the pain just wouldn't go away.
At 7:30pm, Scott called. He had gotten out of class early - yet another grace provision. I was so relieved to have someone else in the house with me. Going to bed was another whole story. I would get ready to put the garbage up and let Colonel out but I didn't have to do either one. I crawled into bed next to Scott and waited to hear Colonel make his "rounds". I listened for the click on the floor and the sound of him settling into his chair in the bedroom next to my bed, it never came. It was so sad! I couldn't stay in there, besides I was keeping Scott awake. I went out to the other room for awhile but it was just as sad. I asked God to help me and I took a deep breath and went back to bed. I basically cried myself to sleep.
The next morning I woke up and was sure I could hold it together, after all I had to go to work and my eyes were already way too puffy. I didn't want anyone to know because it was too painful to talk about. I somehow managed to get ready through the tears. As we headed to work Scott prayed and I pulled myself together. Through God's grace (and I know my Mom's prayers) I was able to hold it together all day. As soon as I walked through the doors at home it was like something was wrong. It hit me like a ton of bricks, I couldn't hold it in any more. When will the tears dry up? I have a constant headache and my eyes go from aching to stinging to being itchy and dry.
I actually held myself together during church. After church my dad came up and told me how sorry he was and that he knew it was the right thing to do. My mom talked to Scott about when it happened. Evidently, Dr. Fitzpatrick had said that he was an old dog. Scott told me that he had been so gentle and kind to Colonel and that it went smoothly. He was happy up to the last minute.
Hannah came up to me and sat next to me and snuggled. She then told me she had visited his grave and of course had an adventure story to go along with it. She visited the wrong place first and found a big piece of glass and then Nana had to show her where the grave really was. She said that the mums were still there. I asked her if she would put flowers on it once in a while for me and she said she would if she could find some.
The second night wasn't any easier. I thought it would ease up. Scott was struggling, also. We stayed up way passed the time we should have gone to bed and when we did go to bed, we talked about him, our decision and our memories. We both finally fell asleep at some point but I'm not sure when.
Colonel was my grace provision for almost 15 years. He was my constant companion. He was God's way of helping me survive Scott's cop years. He was my alarm system at night, he was a comfort to me when I was sad. I couldn't go to sleep at night until he was settled in bed next to me. I was his back scratcher, his bell boy, his concierge, his cook. I couldn't have ever had a better grace gift. I am so thankful to God for putting him in my life and letting us enjoy each other for so long. Thanks to Hannah for taking this video in August of 2006 when we were out playing at the pond.
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